For many years, I was always the one who traveled to see my sister and her family.
We live in different states, and whenever I wanted to spend time with them—especially with my nephew when he was little—I was expected to book the flights.
I usually flew on Fridays or around public holidays so I could maximize my time there without taking too much leave from work.
I paid for all of my own flights.
Whenever I asked why they couldn’t come visit me instead, my sister always had the same explanation.
She said it made more sense for me to travel because I was single, while she had a husband and child. Flying one person was cheaper than flying three, and she also didn’t want to take annual leave from work.
At the time, I understood.
I never argued.
I accepted that her husband, child, finances, and work commitments came first.
I wanted to see my nephew grow up, so I kept making the trips.
Eventually, though, I started feeling like my time was worth less simply because I was single.
After years of always being the one making the effort, I stopped traveling about ten years ago because it felt like my single status was being taken advantage of.
Fast forward fifteen years.
My nephew is now at university, and my sister has started saying she’d like us to spend more time together again.
I’d actually like that too.
The problem is how she wants it to happen.
She now refuses to fly on Fridays because airline tickets are more expensive.
Instead, she wants to fly during the middle of the week, which would require me to take annual leave from work so we can spend time together.
From her perspective, it makes financial sense.
From mine, it feels painfully familiar.
Years ago, I was expected to understand that she couldn’t sacrifice money or leave because her husband and child were her priority.
I respected that.
Now my priorities are different.
I’m alone—not by choice—and my job, my income, and my annual leave are important to me.
Just because I don’t have a spouse or children doesn’t mean my time has any less value.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to use my leave for myself rather than always adjusting to someone else’s schedule.
What hurts the most isn’t that she doesn’t want to pay higher airfare.
It’s the double standard.
When she had family responsibilities, everyone expected me to accommodate her.
Now that I’m asking for the same consideration in return, I’m somehow being unreasonable.
I never expected special treatment because I was single.
I only expected that, eventually, the effort would become mutual.
Instead, it still feels like I’m the one expected to rearrange my life because I don’t have a husband or children.
For context, my sister’s financial situation is also very different now.
She says money is tight, but she and her husband have chosen to invest in multiple properties. Her husband is the primary earner and prefers to be very frugal.
Those are their choices.
Meanwhile, after my divorce, I don’t own a home and have had to rebuild my own life.
I don’t resent her success.
I just don’t understand why my circumstances are always expected to be flexible while hers never are.
When I told her I wasn’t willing to take annual leave just so she could save money on flights, she stopped talking to me.
Now I’m left wondering whether I’m being selfish, or whether I’m simply asking for the same consideration I’ve been giving her for years.
AITAH for refusing to use my annual leave to accommodate my sister after spending years being the one who always made the sacrifices to visit her?